She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
