someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
