So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
