Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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