I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
