why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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