Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I've blown a few things in my day
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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