Tell her she can't have a vagina
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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