is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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