smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
