I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
