OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
