I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
