I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
