there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
