with your own penis?
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
