Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
how do flat chested girls get laid?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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