Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
