put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
