Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize