marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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