I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
