I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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