It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
