Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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