when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
