just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
