She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
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Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
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Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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