I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
