I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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