hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
