The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
