did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I look excited, but its just a facade.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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