I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
