i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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