Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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