So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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