I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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