Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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