I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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