ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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