We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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