I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize