I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
