Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
