Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
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