you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
