well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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