I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
