he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
