Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Found the puke drawer
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
