Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
cat food counts as protein by the way
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
