Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
