she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
