"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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