I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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