I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
