Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
