feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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