WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
that's an acceptable place to lick
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
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I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
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He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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