She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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