There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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