You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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