yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
