no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
