How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
