I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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