CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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