Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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