We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
