Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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