We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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