Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
