She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
