In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
