standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
