You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
