I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
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