You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
