So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
