If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My vagina is very pro this idea
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
