In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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